Sobriety is Sexy

I saw a post this morning from someone I lost touch with years ago. He is 300 days sober. I am super stoked for him!

I don’t want to bore you with the details of my brief encounter with said new sober fella. Short story. I had a crush on him, and it wasn’t reciprocated. He ran hot and cold and sent mixed signals.

I didn’t have the level of self-respect and self-worth that I have encumbered over these last few years. I was a trite pathetic. You know, the whole chaser/runner dynamic.

My life was also a total mess back then. I was a mess. I wasn’t in a position to give my best and I truly believe that upon entering a partnership with someone, you MUST be healed enough, aware enough and emotionally intelligent enough to be able to consciously and lovingly provide value, co-create as a unit and engage in reciprocity.

His post prompted me to share the wonderful juiciness birthed from releasing addictive substances, patterns and behaviors. There is so much waiting for you on the other side of addiction.

*Side Note: I have no idea if this guy is/was an alcoholic. Many people are trying on sobriety these days due to current research that many doctors and neuroscientists are pushing out into the world. We now know how even 1 drink impacts our brain. These brain scans (thank you Dr. Amen) and peer reviewed studies (a nod to Andrew Huberman) are vital components in this new surge of marketing touting sobriety as sexy.

What a joy to witness the stigma of sober living as boring and rigid being dismantled.

Is the journey of relinquishing addiction arduous and painful? Yes. Is it easy? NO. Is anything worth its weight in salt ever really easy? I guess that answer is relative, but I think most people would answer NO.

Alcoholism is prevalent on both sides of my family. ALL of the behavior, patterns, discord and upheaval that come with addiction were quite normalized in my home. Sound familiar?

I am fortunate that I realized in my 20’s I had a drinking problem. yet I really didn’t start to peel the onion of addiction until my 30’s. Telling a family of alcoholics you’re not drinking alcohol anymore doesn’t go over very well.

How many of you have heard statements like this? “One drink isn’t a big deal”. “Oh, so you think you’re better than us?” “You’re so over the top rigid”. “Don’t you want to have fun?” Not to mention the absolute denial that alcohol was the culprit for 90% of the family dysfunction.

Coming out of addiction is deep dark work. It is truly an excavation of the soul. The amount of light that begins to shed upon all the things you previously thought were valid, true and real is a tumultuous process. Confronting your shadow is never easy. It’s not supposed to be. The only way out is in.

So, what’s on the other side of addiction?

• Awareness

• Self-control

• Clarity

• Discipline (this is NOT a dirty word) which is a form of self-care and self-love.

• Prescence

• Self-worth

• Self-respect

• Stability

• Confidence

• Enhanced creativity

• Emotional Intelligence

• Improved Relationships

• Gratitude

• Improved quality of life

  In yogic philosophy there is a code of ethics. There are 5 Yamas or “ethical disciplines” Aparigraha is one of the 5 Yamas. It is a Sanskrit word that means “non-possessing or non-greed”.

  Aparigraha encourages people to live with simplicity and non-attachment and to let go of excessive desires.

  This does not mean we cannot have ambition or desires, or we cannot celebrate our successes. It encourages us to find balance and avoid extremes.

  This ethical discipline is a great complement to AA teachings. Tommy Rosen wrote a wonderful book entitled Recovery 2.0 which parallels yogic philosophy with AA principles.

  Here are some practical ways to apply Aparigraha to your everyday life:

  Letting go of old ideas, ideologies and relationships that no longer serve you.

  Take only what is needed.

  Listen to the body.

  Practice gratitude.

  I am certainly not writing this to berate or shame anyone who chooses to drink alcohol. I am however, planting a seed of curiosity.

  I challenge you to get curious about your addictive patterns and behaviors and cultivate the courage to peel the proverbial onion of your shadows.

  Take control of your life with a sense of deep love of self.

  You are always one choice away from a whole new life.